Transparency

Glass can be cloudy or transparent

trans·par·ent:  

[trans-pair-uhnt, -par-] –adjective

1. having the property of transmitting rays of light through its substance so that bodies situated beyond or behind can be distinctly seen.

"This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine!

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine,

Let it shine,

Let it shine,

Let it shine!"

Not only did my Granny share her love of glass with me, she also shared her love of singing.  Most particularly, hymns.  One of the very first songs I remember singing was "This Little Light of Mine".  Even though she was in her late 60's and had the purest white hair, she played and sang with me as if she were still a child.  I can very vividly remember her teaching me the hand motions.  We would "Hide it under a bushel? NO!" with such great enthusiasm.  She made sure I sang, "Shine all over Lewisville!" and I ran all over the house with my fingers swirling in the air above my head.

Very early, I learned that as a Christian, I had a great responsibility to "let my little light shine". Of course, I think my siblings would say that this probably gave me an inflated sense of my own importance, but I have always felt like I had a duty to shine HIS light to the best of my ability.

Matthew 5:16 (New International Version) - In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

It has been longer than I intended since I posted my last blog.  As a single mother, it is especially difficult to  "keep up with the Jones'"...especially since I'm only ONE "Jones"!

So, my first excuse for not writing is not having enough time. I have been trying to make morning Bible study a committed part of my routine.  Last week, I pulled my 11 year old daughter out of her exemplary rated public middle school due to an increasing amount of anxiety and began homeschooling.  I spent the past weekend on a retreat with our church choir preparing for the first Christmas Mass I have done in many years.  On the trip, I came down with a nasty cold which almost prevented me from singing on Sunday morning.  Still, on Monday and Tuesday, I took my daughter to a zoo and then a wildlife preserve to study the animals. She wants to be a zoologist and I thought it would be a great way to "kick off" her homeschool experience.  This really wiped me out as my cold didn't take kindly to the dust and animal dander and I was in bed most of Wednesday and Thursday.  My soon-to-be 16 year old is an Advanced Placement student who is also active in church and school activities and therefore, requires frequent taxi service.  I am doing "homeschool" Driver's Education with her.  Additionally, I started a pet sitting business within the past 2 weeks.  Add to that volunteer work with the Humane Society and fostering a new dog, and you have just another crazy week.  Now, I know that many of you who are not single parents are thinking that this sounds like your life, too.  Please keep in mind that I also fix my own flats, do all of the lawn work, trouble-shoot the garbage disposal, and do my own fence repair.

So, in the midst of all of this, and with a hundred different ideas floating around in my head about what I want to share, I became very overwhelmed by what exactly to write.  The following is a copy of an e-mail I sent to Rebecca Carrell (author of "The Daily Bread" and creator of the website "Love, Serve, Shine!") this morning:

Rebecca, I have run into a time management issue and would love your advice.  When I am going through my day, I think of a whole range of topics to write about in my blog and I either don't have a pen, don't have paper, or am driving.  I'll think of 3 or 4 things a day.  Then, I get home and am distracted by all that is going on and put off writing until "It's quiet and I can think".  Well, by then, my brain is either fried or, well, the quiet just never comes.  What does your 'writing routine' look like?

In the mornings, I wake up fresh and ready to write.  I begin to pray about it and cannot remember where I wanted to go in my writing or cannot decide which avenue to take.  I keep praying for clarity of purpose.  So, again, I am "waiting" on that clarity.  There are SO MANY things I feel called to communicate, yet, I am not writing...

Thank you for the insight!

Rebecca and I talked on the phone for half an hour.  We had an amazing conversation.  But, she said something in particular that I really believe God intended for her to communicate to me.  "You know, Sherry," she said, "your wisdom and knowledge are not really what is going to touch people.  What is going to impact them the most is your vulnerability."  Wow!  Talk about an "a-ha moment"!  I have been trying so hard to carefully choose my words and say just the right things, that I lost sight of my purpose.  It is through my own transparency that I can be the most beneficial.

As Rebecca so eloquently reminded me, this blog is God's gift to me.  It is my opportunity to heal as well as an opportunity to be a beacon of the Holy Spirit.

John 1:5: The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.  (Praise God for that! LOVE this one!  Can I get an "Amen"?!)

 2 Corinthians 4:6: For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

Like church glass, we come to the Lord stained, warped, and broken.  But, if we remain transparent; if we search and reveal even the roughest parts of ourselves and allow the light of the Holy Spirit to shine through us - to wash away our burdens and imperfections - the light reveals in us something truly glorious.

So, I have decided that I am going to stop trying to come up with the perfect words and just let God do the work.  Novel idea, huh?  I am just simply going to tell my story.

Glass

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

John 16:32 

...And yet I am not alone, because my Father is with me.

Hebrews 13:5
...God himself has said, `I will never be away from you. I will never leave you alone.'

Ok!  I get it...I AM NOT ALONE!!

But all the words in the world don't always bring comfort, do they?  What do we do when we are so exhausted that we cannot find the strength to find Faith?  ..."baby steps".

Like Job, sometimes we are so overcome with grief that even our most cherished friends and family cannot console us.

Job 3:26 - "I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil."

As I said in my first blog, after my husband died, no matter how hard I tried, I could not find the peace I so desperately yearned for.  Not in other Moms, my family, or even other widows... although I knew they had the best intentions.  In fact, I even felt guilty.  They wanted so much to offer themselves to me.  I felt as if I was somehow robbing them of an opportunity to minister to me.  In hind sight, I probably was.

But, again, selfishly - like Job - no matter how hard I fought the urge, what I really wanted to SCREAM to everyone else was, "This is not about YOU and what you have wanted to do to hasten our recovery.  This is about ME, MY children, and what we continue to NEED!" Said Job to the friends who became frustrated with him, "Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong.  How painful are honest words!  But what do your arguments prove?"  Job 6:24

I have always loved glass.  My Granny died when I was 14 years old.  One of my favorite memories of her tiny little house is of her "china" cabinet.  I put the word "china" in quotation marks, because I don't think she ever owned any real china.  What was in there were a lot of "knick-knacks", as she called them.  Some of them may have been porcelain.  I'm not sure.  But my favorite things in this cabinet were made of glass.  One of her sisters collected carnival glass and my Granny, too, had acquired some of it. It was absolutely beautiful the way the colors swirled and melted together.  Some of it was an amazing bubbly, iridescent purple color. That was by far my favorite.  Some of it was a softer pink color.  Though not my absolute favorite, I still loved it.  Because there was not much to do there, I found myself spending what seemed like hours in front of that little cabinet studying the glass figures inside.  I was amazed both by the way the glass could take on almost any shape and by the infinite patterns within the glass itself.  Not only were there different patterns within the glass, even the patterns changed depending on how you looked at it.

On a rare occasion, Granny would actually open the cabinet and allow me to hold her delicate trinkets.  I remember how excited I was.  However, now as an adult (and more specifically, a parent), I realize just exactly how much she loved me.  Granny never had much in the way of anything fancy. But, she trusted a five year old kid with some of her favorite things.  And she didn't stand over me and tell me to "be careful!".  She sat down on the floor with me in front of the cabinet and looked at them with me, as if she was seeing them for the first time.  We would talk about the colors and laugh at the faces we had imagined from the patterns we saw.  She always had stories to tell me about each and every piece; where she was when she got it, who gave it to her or whom she was with, and the significance it held for her.  That was something I always loved about her.  Even the simplest things had meaning to her.

That is the way I picture Jesus: joyfully sitting on the floor telling fascinating stories to those he cherishes.  Gently speaking to his children and teaching us the right way to do things.  Allowing us - even given us permission - to experience the world around us, all the while sitting strategically close in order to catch us if we should make a mistake.

Although the glass in Granny's cabinet symbolized specific events or people in her life, glass has taken on a different symbolic meaning for me.  Not only does it remind me of my Granny and of a time in my life when I was cared for in a very special way, but it represents an emotional journey.

You see, glass can be can be sharp and treacherous yet smooth and calming.  It can be transparent or it can be cloudy.  Glass is fragile, but can be strong.  And, yes, glass can be broken; but the pieces retain all of the infinite beauty, brilliance, and wonder that is glass.  And the possibilities for restoration are endless.


Job had to go through the process of grief.  One of the steps toward restoration is coming to terms with the brokenness.  Often times we want to find someone to blame.  What I want to say to you is, that although it may not be right, it IS normal!  God included the book of Job in the Bible not only as an example of the rewards of perseverance, but as an example of his understanding of our humanness.  I believe that we all feel this way at least once in our lives. Unfortunately, it was easy for Job to lash out at his friends.  Despite their best intentions, they had it all wrong.  They assumed that Job had done something to bring the tough times on himself, when in fact, it was only because of God's faith in him, that Satan was allowed to test him!  Job 2:3-6 - "Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? ...And he still maintains his integrity...Very well, then, he is in your hands; but you must spare his life."  What an honor!  To add to the awe of this story,  it was the least likely of the group of friends who was able to see through the mess and uncover the truth.  Job 32:6 "I am young in years, and you are old; that is why I was fearful, not daring to tell you what I know."  He continues:

Job 33:12-14 - "...for GOD is greater than man.  Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words?  For God does speak - now one way, now another - though man may not perceive it."

Job 34:23 - "The Almighty is beyond our reach and exalted in power; in his justice and great righteousness, he does not oppress."

READ THAT AGAIN!  Praise GOD for the wisdom of Elihu, Job's young friend!


I hope that those of you who have been with me through the many trying years of my journey know how much I truly appreciate you. It would be impossible for me to ever communicate my gratitude.  I can only equate your frustration to the frustration I have felt when trying to get information across to a student who is not open to receive it.  But, like a good teacher, a good friend is patient and seeks out ways to communicate that are specific to the needs of the individual.  They do not give up.  This is the example that Jesus gave us.  It is called unconditional love.    A person has to be READY to receive the information.  And, much to our disliking, it takes time; some longer than others . "  Baby steps" are OK.


Thank you God that you understand our faults and have given us the means to overcome them.  Take the broken pieces and form them into something beautiful beyond our wildest dreams.


ROCK On!


Sherry
Psalm 62:2 - "He alone is my ROCK and my salvation; he is my fortress.  I will never be shaken."

You Are Not Alone

Hello, my name is Sherry Paddie and I am a single mom.

No, this is not Alcohoics Anonymous (although...well, we'll save that for another day!), but it is intended to be a sort of therapy...and I hope you get something out of it, too!  ;)

First of all, let me say that I am honored to be a part of a wonderful new ministry known as Love, Serve, Shine at www.loveserveshine.com.  I am amazed and inspired by the women of this ministry and cannot wait to pass along the blessings I know are in store!

I am, first and foremost, "Mama".  I have been widowed for 11 years, 9 months, and 5 days.  For much of that time, I have yearned for someone - ANYONE - who could relate to me as a young widow with 2 small children.  And I have to tell you (although I'm sure fear and depression prevented me from looking as hard as I should have) I never found anyone.  I knew there were others out there.  I had seen some on Oprah!  But, where was someone real that I could talk to who could affirm that I was not going crazy? That is exactly why I am sharing my story.  With all of the technology and resources, I feel like I should have just been able to get on the internet and look up "widowed parents" or even "single parents" and find some support.  But it just wasn't that easy.  My goal with this blog is to be as transparent as possible in order to assure you that you are not alone. 

As a Christian, I searched desperately at various churches in the area.  I was desperate to know that things were going to be OK.  But I didn't want to hear it from my peers.  I couldn't hear it from the stay-at-home soccer Moms who drove Lexus SUV's and awaited their husbands' arrival from work each day.  I couldn't hear it from the other widows in the "Widows Small Group" who were 70 years old and had already raised their kids.  I couldn't hear it from my siblings.  My sister has no children and my brother (who is older than I) had help raising his kids.  I couldn't hear that "God was with me".  I already knew that!  And I wanted HIM to provide me with a person, flesh and blood, in whom to confide.  I wanted to hear it from someone who had been there!

The title of this blog is PIECES.  I chose this name because for the past 11 years, that is how I have felt.  I have felt as if I was literally coming to pieces...both literally and figuritively. 

What I want to offer now is hope...from someone who HAS been there.  I want you to know that God can and will - in time - take those pieces and put them back together in a way that will be beyond your wildest dreams.  I pray that God will use me to be of some comfort, perhaps even inspiration, to those of you out there who feel overwhelmed...especially, single parents.

Yesterday, as I was contemplating what to write about in my opening blog, I heard a pastor on the radio by the name of Jack Graham, author of "Power Points".  At first, I wanted to turn the radio off.  I am very inspired by music and by pastors "in person", but often, speaking voices on the radio do not hold my attention.  But, just as I was about to hit the "off" button, I heard him say, "This particular message is for Single Parents."  WHAT?  You are telling me that I am about to start writing a blog to, for, and by single parents and the one message I hear on the radio today is for us?  Let me just tell you...this is how my life has been lately. "Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous."  Friend, I'm here to tell you that there are no coincidences!  GOD was speaking to me (and consequently to you) through Jack Graham yesterday morning.  The message, as I interpret it, was this:

You have to continually set aside time for yourself.  You have to pray.  You have to meditate. You have to grieve.  You have to laugh.  You have to rest.  You have to heal.  Only then can you be the kind of example for your children that you want to be.   We single parents are so overwhelmed that we cannot even think.  Reverend Graham said, "Put GOD first".  Yes, you have heard that before, but meditate on it for a moment.  You say you don't have time...I say that if you put GOD first, you WILL have time!  Kids need to see their parents do Godly things. You can tell them what you want them to know, but they learn from what they have modeled for them.  Is the most important thing you teach your children what sort of job to have when they grow up?  Then why do we put our jobs first?  What you really want is for them is to have peace, to know joy, and to know how to cope when things get rocky.  Well, you have to demonstrate those qualities so your kids can learn them from you. And, that takes a great deal of faith. What's most important to you right now is you and your children.  But, if you put God first, he will take care of you and your children. Your boss won't.

Now, I am not saying that having that kind of faith comes naturally.  It has taken me 11 years to wrap my mind around it.  And all the while, I have beaten myself up. I mean, I've done it, but quite by accident.  But, as my faith grows, it becomes easier.  Again, that sort of change takes TIME and that is OK.  One of the silly little sayings that I have latched onto lately is "baby steps".  ANY steps made towards a deeper relationship with Christ will strengthen you and bring you peace.

In Jack Graham's message yesterday morning, he quoted the scripture, Deuteronomy 31:6 "...Do not be afraid or terrified ...for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Guess what?  That means that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. 

  Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

   In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. 

    Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, 

     other times there was only one.

       This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, 

      when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, 

  I could see only one set of footprints. 

   So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. 

       But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life

there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most,

 have you not been there for me?”

       The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, 

   my child, is when I carried you.”

 Mary Stevenson, 1936