No, this is not Alcohoics Anonymous (although...well, we'll save that for another day!), but it is intended to be a sort of therapy...and I hope you get something out of it, too! ;)
First of all, let me say that I am honored to be a part of a wonderful new ministry known as Love, Serve, Shine at www.loveserveshine.com. I am amazed and inspired by the women of this ministry and cannot wait to pass along the blessings I know are in store!
I am, first and foremost, "Mama". I have been widowed for 11 years, 9 months, and 5 days. For much of that time, I have yearned for someone - ANYONE - who could relate to me as a young widow with 2 small children. And I have to tell you (although I'm sure fear and depression prevented me from looking as hard as I should have) I never found anyone. I knew there were others out there. I had seen some on Oprah! But, where was someone real that I could talk to who could affirm that I was not going crazy? That is exactly why I am sharing my story. With all of the technology and resources, I feel like I should have just been able to get on the internet and look up "widowed parents" or even "single parents" and find some support. But it just wasn't that easy. My goal with this blog is to be as transparent as possible in order to assure you that you are not alone.
As a Christian, I searched desperately at various churches in the area. I was desperate to know that things were going to be OK. But I didn't want to hear it from my peers. I couldn't hear it from the stay-at-home soccer Moms who drove Lexus SUV's and awaited their husbands' arrival from work each day. I couldn't hear it from the other widows in the "Widows Small Group" who were 70 years old and had already raised their kids. I couldn't hear it from my siblings. My sister has no children and my brother (who is older than I) had help raising his kids. I couldn't hear that "God was with me". I already knew that! And I wanted HIM to provide me with a person, flesh and blood, in whom to confide. I wanted to hear it from someone who had been there!
The title of this blog is PIECES. I chose this name because for the past 11 years, that is how I have felt. I have felt as if I was literally coming to pieces...both literally and figuritively.
What I want to offer now is hope...from someone who HAS been there. I want you to know that God can and will - in time - take those pieces and put them back together in a way that will be beyond your wildest dreams. I pray that God will use me to be of some comfort, perhaps even inspiration, to those of you out there who feel overwhelmed...especially, single parents.
Yesterday, as I was contemplating what to write about in my opening blog, I heard a pastor on the radio by the name of Jack Graham, author of "Power Points". At first, I wanted to turn the radio off. I am very inspired by music and by pastors "in person", but often, speaking voices on the radio do not hold my attention. But, just as I was about to hit the "off" button, I heard him say, "This particular message is for Single Parents." WHAT? You are telling me that I am about to start writing a blog to, for, and by single parents and the one message I hear on the radio today is for us? Let me just tell you...this is how my life has been lately. "Coincidences are God's way of remaining anonymous." Friend, I'm here to tell you that there are no coincidences! GOD was speaking to me (and consequently to you) through Jack Graham yesterday morning. The message, as I interpret it, was this:
You have to continually set aside time for yourself. You have to pray. You have to meditate. You have to grieve. You have to laugh. You have to rest. You have to heal. Only then can you be the kind of example for your children that you want to be. We single parents are so overwhelmed that we cannot even think. Reverend Graham said, "Put GOD first". Yes, you have heard that before, but meditate on it for a moment. You say you don't have time...I say that if you put GOD first, you WILL have time! Kids need to see their parents do Godly things. You can tell them what you want them to know, but they learn from what they have modeled for them. Is the most important thing you teach your children what sort of job to have when they grow up? Then why do we put our jobs first? What you really want is for them is to have peace, to know joy, and to know how to cope when things get rocky. Well, you have to demonstrate those qualities so your kids can learn them from you. And, that takes a great deal of faith. What's most important to you right now is you and your children. But, if you put God first, he will take care of you and your children. Your boss won't.
In Jack Graham's message yesterday morning, he quoted the scripture, Deuteronomy 31:6 "...Do not be afraid or terrified ...for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Guess what? That means that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was only one.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most,
have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
